Nobody likes waiters. I’m not talking about the people who bring you your food at a restaurant – I’m talking about children who are waiting for their parents or grandparents to die. Which is why it might feel awkward to bring up estate planning with your parents. But talking about having an estate plan is actually an act of love. This isn’t about expecting the worst; it’s about making sure Mom and Dad’s wishes are honored and that their loved ones aren’t left scrambling. The last thing your parents would want after they pass is for their loved ones to be left anguishing over administrative concerns in addition to mourning their loss.

Estate planning isn’t only for the wealthy or the old – even young adults benefit (turning 18, marriage, or having kids are all good triggers). Yet surprisingly, most people procrastinate. In fact, it is estimated that more than two-thirds of Americans die without a valid will or estate plan. Without a will, also known as dying intestate, the state dictates who inherits and how they inherit, which often leads to confusion, family fights, and costly court battles. 

On the positive side, if parents have a plan, everyone is relieved. Estate planning covers not just who gets Grandma’s jewelry or the house but also who makes decisions if someone can’t speak for themselves. For example, if your parents are unable to make financial or medical decisions about themselves, also known as being incapacitated, a Power of Attorney or a Medical Power of Attorney can step in. Estate planning can also include what is known as a living will. This relieves family members of the burden of having to decide whether or not to “pull the plug” if your parent is in a persistent vegetative state. Having these documents means Mom and Dad’s wishes are clear, instead of leaving it up to a judge or family argument. Sadly, research shows that 35% of adults report witnessing or experiencing a family conflict because no estate plan or will was in place – a scenario everyone wants to avoid.

Starting the Conversation

• Pick a relaxed moment. Avoid raising the topic during a crisis or when emotions are running high. Maybe bring it up over a quiet family dinner or during a weekend visit. It might help to have all children there, so no one feels singled out.
  
• Be gentle, open, and honest. Frame the talk as caring, not accusatory. You might say something like, “I love you and want to make sure we know what you want, just in case.” Share your concerns (for example, you saw a neighbor have a legal mess because there was no will), but focus on feelings and love. Emphasize that discussing this now protects the family, rather than delaying until it’s too late.
  
• Avoid nagging or guilt-tripping. Don’t demand or lecture. You don’t want your parents to feel ambushed – like you’re just waiting for them to die. Instead, be patient. If they bristle, pause and revisit later. Showing respect for their privacy and autonomy is key; they’ll be more receptive if they don’t feel attacked.
  
• Ask about their wishes. Inquire gently what they would want in different situations. For example: “Have you ever thought about who would manage the family finances if you were sick?” or “What would you want the doctors to do if something serious happened to you?” Listening closely is crucial – you might learn of unspoken preferences or fears. 
  
• Review existing documents. Many parents drafted estate papers decades ago and never updated them. Ask if they have any old wills, trusts, or power-of-attorney forms. Also check for things like a HIPAA release and up-to-date beneficiary designations on insurance or retirement accounts. If they do have documents, encourage a review. Life changes (marriage, divorce, births) can make old plans obsolete, so updating is often needed.
  
• Frame it as their legacy. Emphasize that estate planning is about their values and love. For example, if they have grandchildren or pets, talk about how they want them to be cared for. Some grandparents love the idea of leaving a gift to a grandchild so it’s worth asking if they want wealth split among children and grandchildren. Remind them that planning ensures their legacy (family traditions, heirlooms, values) is respected, not fought over.
  
• Don’t wait until something happens. For an estate plan to be valid, it is important that your parents are still able to make decisions for themselves. If something happens where they become incapacitated, a subsequently created estate plan could be challenged and deemed invalid. Don’t wait until it is too late.

Key Documents to Include

When parents do get serious about estate planning, these are the essentials:

• Last Will (or Living Trust). This specifies who inherits what, from money and cars to family heirlooms. It can also name guardians for any minor children. Without a will, Colorado’s intestacy laws kick in, which may not match your parents’ wishes. If parents want to avoid probate or keep the details of their estate plan private, they might want to create a trust.
  
• Financial Power of Attorney. This lets your parents name someone (an agent) to handle bills, taxes, bank accounts, etc., if they become physically or mentally unable to do so. It can be effective immediately or only upon incapacity, also known as springing.
  
• Medical Power of Attorney (Health Care POA). This document appoints a health care agent to make medical decisions if your parents cannot communicate. Unlike a living will, a medical POA covers any medical decision (not just end-of-life). For example, if a stroke or accident leaves them unconscious, the agent can decide on treatments based on your parents’ wishes.
  
• Living Will/Advance Health Care Directive. These are written instructions about life-sustaining treatment if someone is terminally ill or permanently unconscious. It covers choices like feeding tubes, hydration, etc., in those specific scenarios. It is important to have one even if you already have a health care POA because it clearly spells out their wishes to the doctors.
  
• HIPAA Release Form. To ensure that family members can legally receive medical information, a signed HIPAA authorization is useful. Without it, privacy laws might prevent doctors from sharing details.
  
• Beneficiary Designations. Life insurance policies, retirement accounts (IRA/401k), and investment accounts often allow payable-on-death beneficiaries. These should align with the will. For instance, if a life insurance policy is still listing an ex-spouse, it would supersede a will and should be updated.

Once the documents are done, make sure someone knows where they are. Sadly, over half of families don’t know where Mom and Dad keep their estate papers. Store them safely (e.g. home safe or lawyer’s office) and tell a trusted child. Finally, revisit these documents every few years or after big life changes.

Overcoming Common Objections

Parents might brush you off with excuses. Here are some gentle rebuttals:

• “I’m too young/no money.” Even if they’re healthy, they could suddenly need help after an accident. A simple POA or directive can make decision-making smoother. Also, wills aren’t just about money – they cover guardianship and family wishes, regardless of net worth.
  
• “I’ll do it later.” We all say that. You might point out that procrastinating is exactly why so many don’t have plans. Surveys show that 43% of people admit they simply haven’t gotten around to it. Emphasize that a short meeting now can prevent a nightmare later.
  
• “It’s morbid.” Re-frame it: “It’s actually a gift.” You can share that having a plan ensures that their wishes are heard if they can’t speak, and it spares the family guessing or arguing. Remind them that a conversation now is less painful than confusion later. Leave a legacy, not a mess!
  
• “Family will handle it.” Gently explain that family members are hurt and conflicted about these things. Point out the statistic: over a third of families experience conflicts when no plan exists. Ask if Mom and Dad really want a judge or a fight deciding these personal matters.
  

In Summary

If there’s no medical directive and someone becomes incapacitated, Colorado law has a hierarchy of “interested persons” who the hospital will ask to decide. But that default process might not match what your parents want – it’s better they name their own decision-maker. 

Talking about wills and powers of attorney might seem scary, but it’s really about taking care of each other. By having open, loving conversations now and getting the paperwork done, you honor your parents’ wishes and spare your family stress later. It’s a final gift of peace of mind – for them and for you. Start small, be patient, and remind everyone that this is an ultimate act of care. After all, planning ahead isn’t planning to die – it’s planning to live well and leave well for those we love.